Tabalus

“You can knock down kingdoms on a whim. What you need is someone to make sure you don't get hit by a carriage when you cross the street.”
― Scott Lynch, The Republic of Thieves

“What's the n-never-fail universal apology?"

"'I was badly misinformed, I deeply regret the error, go fuck yourself with this bag of money.”
― Scott Lynch, The Republic of Thieves

“Nanny Ogg could see the future in the froth on a beer mug. It invariably showed that she was going to enjoy a refreshing drink which she almost certainly was not going to pay for.”
― Terry Pratchett, Maskerade

“What sort of person," said Salzella patiently, "sits down and writes a maniacal laugh? And all those exclamation marks, you notice? Five? A sure sign of someone who wears his underpants on his head. Opera can do that to a man.”
― Terry Pratchett, Maskerade