Frances Hampton

“Three couples approached the Pearly Gates and asked permission from Saint Peter to enter. To the first husband he responded, “You may not enter heaven. All your life you’ve been obsessed with money. Why, you even married a woman named Penny!” He then turned to the second husband and responded, “You may not enter heaven. All your life you’ve been obsessed with food. Why, you even married a woman named Candy.” Taking his wife gently by the hand and looking very sad, the third husband said, “Come on, Fanny, we might as well get out of here!”
― Kevin Kenworthy, The Best Jokes Minnie Pearl Ever Told:

“A couple was celebratin’ their fiftieth wedding anniversary with a reception. They were standin’ in line greetin’ their friends and about halfway through, she hauled off and hit him! He looked surprised and said, “What was that for?” She said, “For fifty years of bad sex!” He thought about that a minute and then hauled off and hit her. Now it was her turn to look surprised and she said, “What on earth was that for?” And he answered, “For knowing the difference!”
― Kevin Kenworthy, The Best Jokes Minnie Pearl Ever Told:

“Following a tragedy, grief comes in waves, each bigger than the previous, each carrying a new component of pain.”
― Blake Crouch, Snowbound

“We are wild and have no laws.”
― Kat Nove, Family Lore