Publius

“Marriage, n.: The state or condition of a community consisting of a master, a mistress and two slaves, making in all, two.”
― Ambrose Bierce

“It is certainly not then—not in dreams—but when one is wide awake, in moments of robust joy and achievement, on the highest terrace of consciousness, that mortality has a chance to peer beyond its own limits, from the mast, from the past and its castle tower. And although nothing much can be seen through the mist, there is somehow the blissful feeling that one is looking in the right direction.”
― Vladimir Nabokov, Speak, Memory

“AMERICANISM, n. 1) The desire to purge America of all those qualities which make it a more or less tolerable place in which to live; 2) The ability to simultaneously kiss ass, follow your boss's orders, swallow a pay cut, piss in a bottle, cower in fear of job loss, and brag about your freedom.”
― Ambrose Bierce

“Bride, n. - A woman with a fine prospect of happiness behind her.”
― Ambrose Bierce, The Unabridged Devil's Dictionary