Antony Wong

“partners take turns airing their resentments and hitting each other with foam-rubber bats called “batakas.” We now know from hundreds of studies that anger has no cathartic effect, and, in fact, doing what Bach called “therapy” actually builds resentment”
― John M. Gottman, The Science of Trust: Emotional Attunement for Couples

“when the married couples were unhappy, the partners saw only 50% of their spouse’s positive behavior toward them (as determined by the observers).”
― John M. Gottman, The Science of Trust: Emotional Attunement for Couples

“fundamental attribution errors,”—a tendency in people to minimize their own errors and attribute them to temporary, fleeting circumstances, but to maximize the errors of others and attribute them to lasting, negative personality traits or character flaws.16 It’s an “I’m okay, but you’re defective” pattern. That’s what happens for unhappy couples.”
― John M. Gottman, The Science of Trust: Emotional Attunement for Couples

“listening and understanding each other was the central issue that had to be addressed before they could problem-solve,”
― John M. Gottman, The Science of Trust: Emotional Attunement for Couples