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“Try to focus on the things that you do have instead of obsessing over things you don't”
― My Drunk Kitchen: A Guide to Eating, Drinking, and Going with Your Gut – The #1 New York Times Bestselling Comedy Cookbook Inspired by Viral YouTube Videos
― My Drunk Kitchen: A Guide to Eating, Drinking, and Going with Your Gut – The #1 New York Times Bestselling Comedy Cookbook Inspired by Viral YouTube Videos
“I spent my days spread-eagle in front of a fan, with bright pink calamine lotion slathered all over my undercarriage. If you walked into my room, you’d think I was giving birth to a Pepto-Bismol baby.”
― You Deserve a Drink: Boozy Misadventures and Tales of Debauchery
― You Deserve a Drink: Boozy Misadventures and Tales of Debauchery
“These days if I ate three bites of a Blizzard, that Blizzard would turn into a tornado of farts.”
― You Deserve a Drink: Boozy Misadventures and Tales of Debauchery
― You Deserve a Drink: Boozy Misadventures and Tales of Debauchery
“Similar to siblings, French Fries all stem from the same family, the potato family. Yet each and every one is different. A different shape, a different flavor, a different purpose, etc. Now, despite all these differences, each French fry in the batch will share a similar origin story. However, the outcome will be unique. The point is to have patience with your sibling French fry and realize that life imprints differently on each and every one of us. Some of us will be salty, some of us will be peppered, but in the end we are all just trying to catch up.”
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“But really people are responsible for their own reactions/feelings and can’t go away blaming others with “YOU MAKE ME FEEL….” when they should really be saying “I FEEL…” because it gives them ownership over their own selves as opposed to constantly holding another accountable for their own happiness.”
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