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P.G. Wodehouse
“She looked as if she had been poured into her clothes and had forgotten to say "when". ”
P.G. Wodehouse

Douglas Adams
“Ford carried on counting quietly. This is about the most aggressive thing you can do to a computer, the equivalent of going up to a human being and saying "Blood...blood...blood...blood...”
Douglas Adams, The Hitchhiker's Guide to the Galaxy

P.G. Wodehouse
“You would not enjoy Nietzsche, sir. He is fundamentally unsound.”
P.G. Wodehouse, Carry On, Jeeves

Woody Allen
“Confidence is what you have before you understand the problem.”
Woody Allen

Douglas Adams
“The Hitchhiker's Guide to the Galaxy is an indispensable companion to all those who are keen to make sense of life in an infinitely complex and confusing Universe, for though it cannot hope to be useful or informative on all matters, it does at least make the reassuring claim, that where it is inaccurate it is at least definitively inaccurate. In cases of major discrepancy it's always reality that's got it wrong.

This was the gist of the notice. It said "The Guide is definitive. Reality is frequently inaccurate."

This has led to some interesting consequences. For instance, when the Editors of the Guide were sued by the families of those who had died as a result of taking the entry on the planet Tralal literally (it said "Ravenous Bugblatter Beasts often make a very good meal for visiting tourists: instead of "Ravenous Bugblatter Beasts often make a very good meal of visiting tourists"), they claimed that the first version of the sentence was the more aesthetically pleasing, summoned a qualified poet to testify under oath that beauty was truth, truth beauty and hoped thereby to prove that the guilty party in this case was Life itself for failing to be either beautiful or true. The judges concurred, and in a moving speech held that Life itself was in contempt of court, and duly confiscated it from all those there present before going off to enjoy a pleasant evening's ultragolf.”
Douglas Adams, The Hitchhiker's Guide to the Galaxy

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