Mark David Dietzel

“Inside every cynical person, there is a disappointed idealist.”
― George Carlin

“By and large, language is a tool for concealing the truth.”
― George Carlin

“I've become like one of those people I hate, the sort who go to the museum and, instead of looking at the magnificent Brueghel, take a picture of it, reducing it from art to proof. It's not "Look what Brueghel did, painted this masterpiece" but "Look what I did, went to Rotterdam and stood in front of a Brueghel painting!”
― David Sedaris, Let's Explore Diabetes with Owls: Essays, Etc.

“High school taught me a valuable lesson about glasses: Don't wear them. Contacts have always seemed like too much work, so instead I just squint, figuring that if something is more than ten feet away, I'll just deal with it when I get there.”
― David Sedaris, When You Are Engulfed in Flames