Mark David Dietzel

“What I really hated, of course, was my mind. There must have been an off switch somewhere, but I was damned if I could find it.”
― david sedaris, Naked

“If a man smiles all the time, he’s probably selling something that doesn’t work.”
― george carlin

“High school taught me a valuable lesson about glasses: Don't wear them. Contacts have always seemed like too much work, so instead I just squint, figuring that if something is more than ten feet away, I'll just deal with it when I get there.”
― David Sedaris, When You Are Engulfed in Flames

“Hugh consoled me, saying, "Don't let it get to you. There are plenty of things you're good at."

When asked for some examples, he listed vacuuming and naming stuffed animals. He says he can probably come up with a few more, but he'll need some time to think.”
― David Sedaris, Me Talk Pretty One Day