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13,113 books
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80,185 voters
“We are indeed a nation that prides itself on efficiency. But here’s the catch: eroticism is inefficient. It loves to squander time and resources. As Adam Phillips wryly notes, “In our erotic life work does not work…trying is always trying too hard. Eroticism is an imaginative act, and you can’t measure it. We glorify efficiency and fail to recognize that the erotic space is a radiant interlude in which we luxuriate, indifferent to demands of productivity; pleasure is the only goal.”
― Mating in Captivity: Unlocking Erotic Intelligence
― Mating in Captivity: Unlocking Erotic Intelligence
“Spontaneity is a fabulous idea, but in an ongoing relationship whatever is going to “just happen” already has. Now they have to make it happen.”
― Mating in Captivity: Unlocking Erotic Intelligence
― Mating in Captivity: Unlocking Erotic Intelligence
“What’s missing?” I inquire. Suddenly she leans over and grabs my wrist, not roughly, but with confidence. “This is what I want,” she says. Then, tentatively, gently, she brushes my forearm and adds, “This is what I get.” “So he’s passive?” “Not exactly. He initiates sex all the time, but the way he does it makes me crazy. He just sort of raises his eyebrows and goes, ‘Hmmm?’ It feels like he’s asking me, ‘Am I going to get laid tonight?’ like I’m supposed to take over from there.” “He has a way of approaching you that doesn’t say, ‘I want you,’ as much as ‘Do you want me?’ Is that it?”
― Mating in Captivity: Unlocking Erotic Intelligence
― Mating in Captivity: Unlocking Erotic Intelligence
“These couples, in their own ways, have chosen to acknowledge the possibility of the third: the recognition that our partner has his or her own sexuality, replete with fantasies and desires that aren’t necessarily about us. When we validate one another’s freedom within the relationship, we’re less inclined to search for it elsewhere.”
― Mating in Captivity: Unlocking Erotic Intelligence
― Mating in Captivity: Unlocking Erotic Intelligence
“IT ALWAYS AMAZES ME HOW much people are willing to experiment sexually outside their relationships, yet how tame and puritanical they are at home with their partners. Many of my patients have, by their own account, domestic lives devoid of excitement and eroticism, yet they are consumed and aroused by a richly imaginative sexual life beyond domesticity—affairs, pornography, cybersex, feverish daydreams. For them, sexual love becomes compromised in the making of a family, even a family of two. They numb themselves erotically. Then, having denied themselves freedom, and freedom of imagination, in their relationships, they go outside to reimagine themselves liberated from the constraints of commitment. Security inside, adventure and passion outside. So when the media frantically (yet regularly) announce that couples are not having sex, I can’t help thinking that they may be having plenty of sex, but not with each other.”
― Mating in Captivity: Unlocking Erotic Intelligence
― Mating in Captivity: Unlocking Erotic Intelligence
Jasmine’s 2025 Year in Books
Take a look at Jasmine’s Year in Books, including some fun facts about their reading.
630 books
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156 friends
797 books
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161 friends
16 books
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73 friends
30 books
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26 friends
5 books
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78 friends
1 book
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57 friends
170 books
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144 friends
48 books
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132 friends
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Art, Biography, Children's, Christian, Classics, Comics, Contemporary, Cookbooks, Fantasy, Fiction, Gay and Lesbian, Graphic novels, Historical fiction, History, Horror, Humor and Comedy, Manga, Memoir, Music, Mystery, Non-fiction, Paranormal, Philosophy, Poetry, Psychology, Religion, Romance, Science, Science fiction, Self help, Suspense, Spirituality, Thriller, Travel, Young-adult, and judaica
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