Ivy

“What are you so pleased about?"
"I only drink a little at a time, like half a cup ever four or five months, to maintain my current age. Half a cup has a mild laxative effect."
"What kind of effect?"
"Laxative. It means it loosens the bowels."
"Half a cup has... But you just had me drink a whole pot!"
"That's why I brought you the shovel...”
― Kevin Hearne, Shattered

“It's not polite to ask if a man has a big salami in his pants, okay?”
― Kevin Hearne, Shattered

“I don’t have enough information to make a rational decision. It’s like you’re asking me to order a drink according to how me nipples are feeling instead of telling me what they’re ready to pour.”
― Kevin Hearne, Shattered

“Whatever it is, don't do it!" said Catarina. "It's a bad idea."
"And why do you say that?"
"Because they're the only kind you have," she said. " I have known you a long time, and I am absolutely certain on this subject. If you are planning on becoming a pirate again, its a bad idea."
"I don't repeat my mistakes,"Magnus said, offended.
"You're right. You make all new and even worse mistakes," Catarina told him. "don't do it, whatever it is. Don't lead a werewolf uprising, don't do anything that might contribute to the apocalypse, and don't start your own line of glitter and try to sell it at Sephora”
― Cassandra Clare