Laura Ball

“Don’t avoid a conversation because you’re afraid of an argument. If the argument is coming, face it and try to make it as productive as possible. There are some simple ways to do this: 1.​Don’t make it personal. Don’t talk about their personal flaws or use phrases like “This is what you always do” or “Here’s your problem.” 2.​Think about solutions instead of focusing only on what you don’t like or what made you angry. A productive argument isn’t just a chance to complain. 3.​Be willing to let the other person win. Finding a resolution that helps you both doesn’t always mean declaring a victor or affirming that you are right. Arguments happen when people’s emotions are involved. There’s nothing wrong with being passionate about a subject and being invested in its outcome. But passion can also lead to misunderstandings and hurt feelings, so I think the best conversations occur before an argument is necessary. Any time you enter a conversation, and especially when you are about to talk with someone who holds different beliefs from your own, ask yourself: What do you hope to get out of this exchange? What would you like to have happen at the end and how would you like to walk away from the other person? Angry, frustrated, and no smarter than when you started? You probably cannot change their mind, so perhaps your goal should be your own enlightenment. You can’t control what they take away from the conversation, but you can control what you get out of it. As a journalist, I have had to learn how to open myself up in this way. It’s not easy, and it takes training and a lot of”
― Celeste Headlee, We Need to Talk: How to Have Conversations That Matter