Laura Cushing

“I’m saying Mary’s an ideal homemaker,” I said. “But I’m not asking you to become a domestic goddess—that’s not my point. My point is that I don’t want to expect that from you anymore. I’m trying to change myself here, not you. Tonight was just a setback.” “Whatever,” Kristen said, leaning in for a kiss. “It’s fine. Good night.”
― David Finch, The Journal of Best Practices: A Memoir of Marriage, Asperger Syndrome, and One Man's Quest to Be a Better Husband

“BTW, notice that cannot is all one word! That is a very frequent mistake, also,” said Grandpa. “You don’t write can not, it is cannot.” “Hey, why is did not two words and cannot is one word?” asked Morgan. “Go ask your mother,” smiled Grandpa.”
― John Choisser, Grandpa, When Do We Say Me, Myself, or I?: Let's Stamp Out Grammar Demons!

“So how do you count in Happiness? It’s a little different, but just as easy to learn. In Happiness, you count by making a list of five things that make you happy. Do this daily. Some things will appear on your list every day, and some things will be new from one day to the next.”
― Valerie Alexander, Happiness as a Second Language: A Guidebook to Achieving Lasting Permanent

“I’m driving the minibus on Saturday, right?" "No, I’ve promised Darren he can do it." "What?" "He does at least know how to drive." "Hang on, you’ve seen me on Grand Theft Auto. I’m a driving genius." Michael shook his head. "We’re taking the cubs to the museum, Jeremy. If I ever need anyone to cruise round, picking up prostitutes and getting into car chases with the police, I’ll ask you." "I will hold you to that," Clovenhoof pouted and dragged himself back into the funeral parlour, grumbling as he went.”
― Heide Goody, Pigeonwings