Lily

“on the 11th of every month my friend elizabeth would say, "well we made it through another month. so do we get her back now?" we always giggled, but we really did expect to get her back. its not human to let go of love, even when it's dead.

we expected one of these monthly anniversaries to be the Final Goodbye. we figured that we'd said all our goodbyes, and given up all the tears we had to give. we'd passed the test and would get back what we'd lost. but instead, every anniversary hurt more, and every anniversary felt like she was further away from coming back. the idea that there wouldn't be a final goodbye- that was a hard goodbye in itself and, at that point, still an impossible goodbye. no private eye has to tell you it's a long goodbye.

...the loss just doesn't go away- it gets bigger the longer you look at it.”
― Rob Sheffield, Love Is a Mix Tape: Life and Loss, One Song at a Time

“That's how a thing starts out real then ends up just an idea.”
― Joyce Carol Oates, Foxfire: Confessions of a Girl Gang

“I know why we try to keep the dead alive: we try to keep them alive in order to keep them with us. I also know that if we are to live ourselves there comes a point at which we must relinquish the dead, let them go, keep them dead. ”
― Joan Didion, The Year of Magical Thinking

“White women have been shielded from culpability all their lives and through history and have been able to move in the system of oppression without getting blame when they have been active participants in the denigration of people of color and marginalized people. They have been the Damsel in Distress even as they’ve been the source of chaos.”
― Luvvie Ajayi, I'm Judging You: The Do-Better Manual