Christine

“I had a naked incubus in my bedroom. With a frying pan of half-cooked bacon, and a hard-on. And a unicorn bite on his ass. Christ, this was turning out to be a weird morning.”
― Allison Pang, A Brush of Darkness

“Didn't we talk about this?"
"HAIL!"
"That isn't an answer." I planted my hands on my hips. "Was there a reason for shoving the gummy bears off the counter? Did they tell you they were suicidal? On second thought," I raised a hand, palm out, "don't answer that. If the candy is talking, I don't want to know.”
― Seanan McGuire, Discount Armageddon

“I'm a vampire, James, not a self cleaning oven.”
― Jocelynn Drake, Nightwalker

“I wished for my fairy godmother, the good witch of the north, or some other bitch with a wand.”
― Jocelynn Drake, Nightwalker