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“Fine. Whatever. She’s so unpleasant. Beautiful, sure, but it’s like putting a dress on a badger. Pretty dress. Nice face. Still a badger.”
― Unclean Spirits
― Unclean Spirits
“Kidnapped by a vampire, death by a squid. How tragic.”
― Dinner with a Vampire
― Dinner with a Vampire
“To find out if she really loved me, I hooked her up to a lie detector. And just as I suspected, my machine was broken.
”
― Love Quotes for the Ages. Specifically Ages 19-91.
― Love Quotes for the Ages. Specifically Ages 19-91.
“I know the Goliath Fucking Bird-Eating Spider can't fly because if it could, it would have a different name entirely. We would call it "sir" because it would be the dominant species on the planet. None of us would leave the house unless a Goliath Fucking Bird-Eating Spider said it was okay”
― This Book Is Full of Spiders
― This Book Is Full of Spiders
“I'm afraid it's not nonsense," Genghis said, shaking his turbaned head and continuing his story. "As I was saying before the little girl interrupted me, the baby didn't dash off with the other orphans. She just sat there like a sack of flour. So I walked over to her and gave her a kick to get her moving."
"Excellent idea!" Nero said. "What a wonderful story this is! And then what happened?"
"Well, at first it seemed like I'd kicked a big hole in the baby," Genghis said, his eyes shining, "which seemed lucky, because Sunny was a terrible athlete and it would have been a blessing to put her out of her misery."
Nero clapped his hands. "I know just what you mean, Genghis," he said. "She's a terrible secretary as well."
"But she did all that stapling," Mr. Remora protested.
"Shut up and let the coach finish his story," Nero said.
"But when I looked down," Genghis continued, "I saw that I hadn't kicked a hole in a baby. I'd kicked a hole in a bag of flour! I'd been tricked!"
"That's terrible!" Nero cried.”
― The Austere Academy
"Excellent idea!" Nero said. "What a wonderful story this is! And then what happened?"
"Well, at first it seemed like I'd kicked a big hole in the baby," Genghis said, his eyes shining, "which seemed lucky, because Sunny was a terrible athlete and it would have been a blessing to put her out of her misery."
Nero clapped his hands. "I know just what you mean, Genghis," he said. "She's a terrible secretary as well."
"But she did all that stapling," Mr. Remora protested.
"Shut up and let the coach finish his story," Nero said.
"But when I looked down," Genghis continued, "I saw that I hadn't kicked a hole in a baby. I'd kicked a hole in a bag of flour! I'd been tricked!"
"That's terrible!" Nero cried.”
― The Austere Academy
The Humour Club
— 1644 members
— last activity Dec 16, 2025 01:46PM
A group for readers and writers of humorous fiction.
ThePotatoKING’s 2025 Year in Books
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Comics, Crime, Fantasy, Graphic novels, Horror, Humor and Comedy, Manga, Mystery, Paranormal, Psychology, Science fiction, Self help, Suspense, Thriller, Young-adult, adventure, choose-your-own-adventure, anime, detective, drawing, funny, steampunk, zombies, pirates, seinen, shonen, psychological-thriller, dark, bizarro-fiction, slice-of-life, and humor
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