

“I need to learn to recognize and identify these danger signs when I see them, and not brush them off as "eccentricities," "lovable oddities," or "a sign that he s crying out for help and the comforting of a codependent nurturer that only I, Princess Enabler, can provide. Bad boyfriends don't disguise themselves; their girlfriends do it for them. ”
― Autobiography of a Fat Bride: True Tales of a Pretend Adulthood
― Autobiography of a Fat Bride: True Tales of a Pretend Adulthood

“Life starts out with everyone clapping when you take a poo and goes downhill from there. ”
― I Was Told There'd Be Cake: Essays
― I Was Told There'd Be Cake: Essays

“On occasion, it occurs to adults that they are allowed to do all the things that being a child prevented them from doing. But those desires change when you're not looking. There was a time when your favorite color transferred from purple to blue to whatever shade it is when you realize having a favorite color is a trite personality crutch, an unstable cultivation of quirk and a possible cry for help. You just don't notice the time of your own metamorphosis. Until you do. Every once in a while time dissolves and you remember what you liked as a kid. You jump on your hotel bed, order dessert first, decide to put every piece of jewelry you own on your body and leave the house. Why? Because you can. Because you're the boss. Because . . . Ooooh. Shiny. ”
― How Did You Get This Number: Essays
― How Did You Get This Number: Essays
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