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Amanda
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“My library is an archive of longings.”
― As Consciousness is Harnessed to Flesh: Journals and Notebooks, 1964-1980
― As Consciousness is Harnessed to Flesh: Journals and Notebooks, 1964-1980
“In a strange way, I had fallen in love with my depression. Dr. Sterling was right about that. I loved it because I thought it was all I had. I thought depression was the part of my character that made me worthwhile. I thought so little of myself, felt that I had such scant offerings to give to the world, that the one thing that justified my existence at all was my agony.”
― Prozac Nation
― Prozac Nation
“This story ["The Depressed Person"] was the most painful thing I ever wrote. It's about narcissism, which is a part of depression. The character has traits of myself. I really lost friends while writing on that story, I became ugly and unhappy and just yelled at people. The cruel thing with depression is that it's such a self-centered illness - Dostoevsky shows that pretty good in his "Notes from Underground". The depression is painful, you're sapped/consumed by yourself; the worse the depression, the more you just think about yourself and the stranger and repellent you appear to others.”
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“I saw the world in black and white instead of the vibrant colours and shades I knew existed.”
― Pushing the Limits
― Pushing the Limits
“The feelings that hurt most, the emotions that sting most, are those that are absurd - The longing for impossible things, precisely because they are impossible; nostalgia for what never was; the desire for what could have been; regret over not being someone else; dissatisfaction with the world’s existence. All these half-tones of the soul’s consciousness create in us a painful landscape, an eternal sunset of what we are.”
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Amanda’s 2025 Year in Books
Take a look at Amanda’s Year in Books, including some fun facts about their reading.
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