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“I don’t like to celebrate my birthday, because I don’t like taking credit for others’ work—in this case, my mom and dad. Or possibly my mom and the mailman.
”
― Jarod Kintz, This Book Has No Title

“My two parents represent the single greatest influence on my life. And if my dad had been there for me, it would be the double greatest influence on my life.”
― Jarod Kintz, This Book Has No Title

“Don’t be jealous if I spend 50% of my time with you, and 50% of my time with others, because you get 100% of 50%, while all the others have to share that other 50%.” This is the speech I’ve prepared to tell my wife in the future, when I’m spending a majority minus one percent of my time with my clones.”
― Jarod Kintz, This Book Has No Title

“Love is like a forest, I think as I kill trees by squandering toilet paper while “decorating” my ex girlfriend’s front yard.”
― Jarod Kintz, This Book Has No Title