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“As much as I would love to romanticize that time, I can't. I was so unfinished. I asked God for a boyfriend, professional acting status, and the experience of traveling overseas, but I didn't ask for wisdom, I didn't ask for self-love, and it showed. I was with a man who never loved me. My objective the entire 7 years was earning his love.”
― Finding Me
― Finding Me
“You can't just make me different and then leave," I said out loud to her. "Because I was fine before, Alaska. I was fine with just me and last words and school friends, and you can't just make me different and then die." For she had embodied the Great Perhaps—she had proved to me that it was worth it to leave behind my minor life for grander maybes, and now she was gone and with her my faith in perhaps. I could call everything the Colonel said and did "fine." I could try to pretend that I didn't care anymore, but it could never be true again. You can't just make yourself matter and then die, Alaska, because now I am irretrievably different, and I'm sorry I let you go, yes, but you made the choice. You left me Perhapsless, stuck in your goddamned labyrinth. And now I don't even know if you chose the straight and fast way out, if you left me like this on purpose. And so I never knew you, did I? I can't remember, because I never knew.”
― Looking for Alaska
― Looking for Alaska
“It is a remarkable achievement, but the neurosurgeons seem oblivious to it all. They have a job. The job requires skill. The job does not require emotional involvement. They do the job. Surgery was a success? That's nice. Next.”
― Blue Collar, Blue Scrubs: The Making of a Surgeon
― Blue Collar, Blue Scrubs: The Making of a Surgeon
“Anita comforted me, utterly confused by my wailing. 'Well, what made you think you were in an exclusive relationship?' 'Because Anita, we just were! I was living there in his apartment!' Silence. 'Living with him, or just staying there in the weekends when you came home from school?' 'Anita, I've been with him for years now!' 'Viola, if there was no conversation with him about being exclusive in the relationship, then you weren't. I'm sorry. You just thought you were because, what, you love him?' Anita was very matter-of-fact.”
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“And what makes it worse for me is a feeling that is inappropriate for me to express my concern, that it is somehow unprofessional, that if I want to be a good doctor I should learn to be more like the neurosurgeons: They do what they can, they give it their best shot, and then they let it go. If they have effected a cure, great. If a patient dies, too bad.
The neurosurgeons have learned to give their expertise, their skill, their time, but they cannot, they will not, give themselves. They don't allow themselves to get too high with their successes or too low with their failures. They can't let a tragedy from six days, six months, or six yeas ago affect them. It is not prudent. It is not efficient. It is not professional.”
― Blue Collar, Blue Scrubs: The Making of a Surgeon
The neurosurgeons have learned to give their expertise, their skill, their time, but they cannot, they will not, give themselves. They don't allow themselves to get too high with their successes or too low with their failures. They can't let a tragedy from six days, six months, or six yeas ago affect them. It is not prudent. It is not efficient. It is not professional.”
― Blue Collar, Blue Scrubs: The Making of a Surgeon
Anusha’s 2025 Year in Books
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