Diane

“The things about Shakespeare is, he's so eloquent...he speaks the unspeakable. He turns grief and triumph and rapture and rage into words, into something we can understand. He renders the whole mystery of humanity comprehensible.”
― M.L. Rio, If We Were Villains

“Will anything ever be permanent? What the hell am I doing with my life? I only get one shot at this, and right now, I'm finding my value only in being valuable to others. How do I find value for me?”
― Christina Lauren, Roomies

“Calvin clears his throat. “Do you have anything to drink?”

Booze. Right. This is the perfect situation for some booze. I jump up, and he laughs, awkwardly. “I should have thought to get champagne or something.”

“You bought the dinner,” I remind him. “Obviously the champagne was on my list and I dropped the ball.”

Pulling a bottle of vodka from the freezer, I set it on the counter and then realize I have nothing to mix it with. And I finished the last beer the other night.

“I have vodka.”

He smiles valiantly. “Straight-up vodka it is.”

“It’s Stoli.”

“Straight-up mediocre vodka it is,” he amends with a cheeky wink.

His phone buzzes, and it sets off a weird, giddy reaction in my chest. We both have full lives beyond this apartment, which remain complete mysteries to each other. One difference between us is that Calvin likely doesn’t care about my life outside of this. Yet I care intensely about his. Having him here feels like finding the key to unlock a mysterious chest that’s been sitting in the corner of my bedroom for a year.

Buzz. Buzz.

Looking up, I meet his eyes. They’re wide, almost as if he’s not sure whether to answer.

“You can get it,” I assure him. “It’s okay.”

His face darkens with a flush. “I . . . don’t think I should.”

“It’s your phone! Of course it’s okay to answer it.”

“It’s not . . .”

Buzz. Buzz.

Unless, maybe, it’s some Mafia drug lord and if he answers his ruse is up and I’ll kick him out. Or—gasp—maybe it’s a girlfriend calling?

Why had this not occurred to me?

Buzz. Buzz.

“Oh my God. Do you have a girlfriend?”

He looks horrified. “What? Of course not.”

Buzz. Buzz.

Holy shit, how long until his voicemail puts us out of our misery?

“. . . Boyfriend?”

“I don’t—” he starts, smiling through a wince. “It’s not.”

“ ‘Not’?”

“My phone isn’t ringing.”

I stare at him, bewildered.

His blush deepens. “It’s not a phone.”

When he says this, I know he’s right. It doesn’t have the right rhythm to be a phone.

I lift the vodka to my lips and chug straight from the bottle. The buzzing has the exact rhythm of my vibrator . . . the one I tucked beneath that cushion on the couch days ago.

I’m going to need to be pretty drunk to deal with this.”
― Christina Lauren, Roomies

“It won’t let me just use my own name as my username.”
“Yeah, probably because about nine hundred Brendan Taggarts joined before you.”
“So what should I use?”
“CaptainCutie69,” Fox spat out.
“IGotCrabs4U,” Deke supplied.
“SlipperyWhenWet.”
Brendan stared. “You’re all fired. Go home.”
― Tessa Bailey, It Happened One Summer