Marianna

“Oh my God, what did you do to yourself?” she asks. “I said to come in disguise, so I did.” Because I want to give her the full effect, I spin for her while holding my arms out. “You like?” She blinks a few times behind her sunglasses. “Are you…are you wearing a fake nose?” “I am,” I say, touching it. “What do you think?” She studies me, a smile creeping over her face. “You look incredibly predatorial.” “What?” I laugh. “You think I look like a predator?”
― Meghan Quinn, Bridesmaid Undercover

“Ahhh!” I scream and swat at his leg. “Your penis is on my face. Your penis is on my face.” “I know. Fuck,” he yells, attempting to get off me. “Where is your underwear?” “I don’t wear underwear at night.” “Dear God! It’s on my nose! Your genitals are resting on my freaking nose!”
― Meghan Quinn, So Not Meant To Be

“Maggie: That penis is unignorable. God, Hattie, I can still feel it on my face. It was so stiff, like…like I was sleeping on a PVC pipe.”
― Meghan Quinn, Bridesmaid for Hire

“Here’s what we’re not gonna do today,” Jillian said. “We’re not gonna cry over some medium-ugly man with a receding hairline who left a four-in-one shampoo in your shower. You are a beautiful death goddess”
― Abby Jimenez, Worst Wingman Ever