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“Should she be worried about you right now?” I shook my head. “No. Right now, I’m good.” “Happy?” she asked. “Right now? Yes. But I don’t strive for happiness. It’s a temporary, fleeting thing.” “What do you strive for?” “Contentment,” I replied. “It’s a longer-term state of satisfaction. Happiness is fleeting. Contentment is stable and solid throughout life.” “I thought I was content in my last relationship.” “Oh.” I shook my head. “That’s different. One should never be content in love.” “Why’s that?” “I don’t know. I just feel as if love deserves a word, a feeling bigger than that.” “And what word is that?” “Don’t know yet. But once I figure it out, I’ll be the first to inform you.”
― The Problem with Players
― The Problem with Players
“Hyper-independence and a fear of intimacy. A classic case of Older Sibling Syndrome. You think that no one will be able to love you on a deep level because you haven’t even managed to love yourself on said deep level, and you have a fear of letting go of the reins in your life, because you don’t trust others to guide you.”
― The Problem with Players
― The Problem with Players
“I think you’re confusing the opposite of love with hurt.” “No,” I disagreed. “I know the opposite of love is hate.” “No,” he replied with a headshake. “The opposite of love is indifference. The feeling of emptiness. That’s what the opposite of love is. Love allows you space to feel everything—joy, bliss, sorrow, and pain. Grief is love, Avery. Love and grief go hand in hand.” “Why is that?” “Because grief is the realization that you could care for another so deeply. That your heart could shatter a million ways, all due to how much you adored another. Being able to feel so deeply is a gift, baby girl. It’s the indifference, the inability to feel, that is the curse.” “It’s scary to feel grief…” “It’s even scarier to feel nothing.”
― The Problem with Players
― The Problem with Players
“I love you like all-fire.”
― Sunrise on the Reaping
― Sunrise on the Reaping
“The sunbeams are the small bursts of light that break through one’s window of depression. The little flickers of light that remind you of how life can feel. Those sunbeams can be anything. People, places, activities. Mine was my family. Coming back home and working on the farm. Holding a baseball bat in my hands. Laughing with my brothers. To the outside world, these aren’t big things, but to me…they got me to the next day. Over time, I started finding more beams of light. Things that filled me with joy. Over time, the light grew. It’s not a constant thing. Some days, the beams are more abundant than others. But still, the light always comes in. So I think that’s what you need to do. Find your beams of light.”
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