Doris

“The only person who had ever wanted to fuck me was a homeless lady who used to stand outside of Ralphs and tell me I had a “sad face that she wanted to sit on.”
― Shane Dawson, I Hate Myselfie: A Collection of Essays by Shane Dawson

“And to this day we are still kissing each other with the same amount of passion. It’s been more than three years, and I still feel like there’s more to unwrap. Every day I get a glimpse of what’s inside. I hope it never ends.”
― Shane Dawson, I Hate Myselfie: A Collection of Essays by Shane Dawson

“Side note: What is that crotch pad for? Is it to protect the vagina from the impact of a big wave? Or maybe to have a stronger barrier between vagina and sand? I can imagine how uncomfortable a sandy vagina is. Almost as uncomfortable as when sand would get in my loose under-boob skin. See, women, I relate to you.”
― Shane Dawson, I Hate Myselfie: A Collection of Essays by Shane Dawson

“I just don’t have the willpower to hit up the gym every day for two hours, and the idea of cutting candy out of my diet seems impossible.”
― Shane Dawson, I Hate Myselfie: A Collection of Essays by Shane Dawson