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Ashleigh
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“You’re going to have to feel pain—everyone feels pain at times—but you don’t have to suffer so much. You’re not choosing the pain, but you’re choosing the suffering.”
“The literature says this is normal for traumatized people. Experts say it’s all part of the three P’s: We think our sadness is personal, pervasive, and permanent. Personal, in that we have caused all the problems we face. Pervasive, in that our entire life is defined by our failings. And permanent, in that the sadness will last forever.”
― What My Bones Know: A Memoir of Healing from Complex Trauma
― What My Bones Know: A Memoir of Healing from Complex Trauma
“Hatred, I learned quickly, was the antidote to sadness. It was the only safe feeling. Hatred does not make you cry at school. It isn’t vulnerable. Hatred is efficient. It does not grovel. It is pure power.”
― What My Bones Know: A Memoir of Healing from Complex Trauma
― What My Bones Know: A Memoir of Healing from Complex Trauma
“Those of us who are people-pleasers assume that others won’t like it when we advocate for what we want. Therefore, we pretend to go along in an effort to be accepted by others. But healthy people appreciate honesty and don’t abandon us if we say no.”
― Set Boundaries, Find Peace: A Guide to Reclaiming Yourself
― Set Boundaries, Find Peace: A Guide to Reclaiming Yourself
“How they treat you is about who they are, not who you are.”
― Set Boundaries, Find Peace: A Guide to Reclaiming Yourself
― Set Boundaries, Find Peace: A Guide to Reclaiming Yourself
“We've simply become too attached to work," I explained. "We've become too addicted to working and we need to balance our lives with a little idle activity like sitting on porches or chatting with neighbors."
"I would HATE that!" she answered with a moo of disgust. "I LOVE to work! I can't stand just sitting around. Work makes me happy."
This woman, by the way, is one of the most grounded, cheerful, and talented people I know. She's also not an outlier. I've had this conversation many times over the past few years with both friends and strangers and I often get some version of, "but I love to work!" in response.
The question for me wasn't whether people enjoyed their work but whether they needed it. That was the question that drove my research. The question I asked hundreds of people around the country and the essential question of this book:
Is work necessary?
A lot of people will disagree with my next statement to the point of anger and outrage: Humans don't need to work in order to be happy.
At this point, in our historical timeline, that claim is almost subversive. The assumption that work is at the core of what it means to lead a useful life underlies so much of our morality that it may feel I'm questioning our need to breathe or eat or sleep. But as I examined the body of research of what we know is good for all humans, what is necessary for all humans, I noticed a gaping hole where work was supposed to be.
This lead me to ask some pointed questions about why most of us feel we can't be fully human unless we're working.
Please note that by "work" I don't mean the activities we engage in to secure our survival: finding food, water, or shelter. I mean the labor we do to secure everything else beyond survival or to contribute productively to the broader society - the things we do in exchange for pay.”
― Do Nothing: How to Break Away from Overworking, Overdoing, and Underliving
"I would HATE that!" she answered with a moo of disgust. "I LOVE to work! I can't stand just sitting around. Work makes me happy."
This woman, by the way, is one of the most grounded, cheerful, and talented people I know. She's also not an outlier. I've had this conversation many times over the past few years with both friends and strangers and I often get some version of, "but I love to work!" in response.
The question for me wasn't whether people enjoyed their work but whether they needed it. That was the question that drove my research. The question I asked hundreds of people around the country and the essential question of this book:
Is work necessary?
A lot of people will disagree with my next statement to the point of anger and outrage: Humans don't need to work in order to be happy.
At this point, in our historical timeline, that claim is almost subversive. The assumption that work is at the core of what it means to lead a useful life underlies so much of our morality that it may feel I'm questioning our need to breathe or eat or sleep. But as I examined the body of research of what we know is good for all humans, what is necessary for all humans, I noticed a gaping hole where work was supposed to be.
This lead me to ask some pointed questions about why most of us feel we can't be fully human unless we're working.
Please note that by "work" I don't mean the activities we engage in to secure our survival: finding food, water, or shelter. I mean the labor we do to secure everything else beyond survival or to contribute productively to the broader society - the things we do in exchange for pay.”
― Do Nothing: How to Break Away from Overworking, Overdoing, and Underliving
#SeekToUnderstand
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For those asking “Why would they say that?” or “How can they think that?”, this is a group where these are not rhetorical questions. We really want to ...more
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Book discussion based on the Reesesbookclub on Instagram. We also have a monthly group book, buddy reads, challenges and giveaways! Our Facebook gro ...more
Ashleigh’s 2025 Year in Books
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