Figgy

“CUSTOMER: You know how they say that if you gave a thousand monkeys typewriters, then they’d eventually churn out really good writing? BOOKSELLER: . . . yes. CUSTOMER: Well, do you have any books by those monkeys? BOOKSELLER: . . .”
― Jen Campbell, Weird Things Customers Say in Bookshops

“Oh, why don’t we blame it on Pen?” not-Triss heard herself snap, in a voice that sounded harsher and more brutal than her own. something had burst, and the words welled up in spite of all her attempts to dam them. “That’s what we always do, isn’t it? That’s what she’s for, isn’t it? We blame everything on Pen and then we change the subject. And nothing matters as long as we don’t talk about it.”
― Frances Hardinge, Cuckoo Song

“CUSTOMER: Do you have that book – I forget what it’s called; it’s about people with large, hairy feet. BOOKSELLER: Do you mean hobbits? The Lord of the Rings? CUSTOMER: No.... erm – The Hairy Bikers.”
― Jen Campbell, Weird Things Customers Say in Bookshops

“Would I use the word 'genius' to describe myself? No. 'Alive?' Perhaps. 'Befuddled?' Certainly.”
― Sean Gibson