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One guy sent me a dick pic with a sepia filter, like it was from the Victorian era.”
“As democracy is perfected, the office of president represents, more and more closely, the inner soul of the people. On some great and glorious day the plain folks of the land will reach their heart's desire at last and the White House will be adorned by a downright moron.”
― On Politics: A Carnival of Buncombe
― On Politics: A Carnival of Buncombe
“Miss Spakey, isn’t it ironic that while I was busy adding and subtracting you were dividing and trying to multiply.’ ” I know this is bad.”
― Barrel Fever
― Barrel Fever
“When someone shows you how little you mean to them and you keep coming back for more, before you know it you start to mean less to yourself.”
― Not that Kind of Girl: A Young Woman Tells You What She's "Learned"
― Not that Kind of Girl: A Young Woman Tells You What She's "Learned"
“If you’re looking for sympathy you can find it between shit and syphilis in the dictionary.”
― Barrel Fever
― Barrel Fever
“Life’s a gamble. Sometimes you step in a pile of shit, sometimes you step over it, and sometimes you fall into it – face first.”
― Life Without the BS: Rants, Raves and Other Crazy Stuff
― Life Without the BS: Rants, Raves and Other Crazy Stuff
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