Allison Lichtenberg

“Sometimes the teachers would ask her to translate bad news. “Please tell Mrs. Fondulas that her son is very disruptive.” And my mom would nod and say in Greek, “George is a lovely boy.” Because she knew if she really translated that, the kid would get a beating and the mother would hate her forever out of embarrassment.”
― Tina Fey, Bossypants

“On no account allow a Vogon to read poetry at you.”
― Douglas Adams, The Ultimate Hitchhiker's Guide to the Galaxy

“But as my dear friend and relationship sponsor Louis CK has noted, “divorce is always good news because no good marriage has ever ended in divorce.”
― Amy Poehler, Yes Please

“The last ever dolphin message was misinterpreted as a surprisingly sophisticated attempt to do a double-backward somersault through a hoop while whistling the “Star-Spangled Banner,” but in fact the message was this: So long and thanks for all the fish.”
― Douglas Adams, The Ultimate Hitchhiker's Guide to the Galaxy