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Christopher Moore
“He loved constantly, instantly, spontaneously, without thought or words. That's what he taught me. Love is not something you think about, it is a state in which you dwell. That was his gift.”
Christopher Moore, Lamb: The Gospel According to Biff, Christ’s Childhood Pal

Michael J. Sullivan
“I am officially turning him over to you. He's your problem now. You'll have to watch out for him and that won't be easy. He's naive, gullible, immature, horribly unsophisticated, ignorant about anything worth knowing, and idealistic to a fault." He paused to make a show of thinking harder. "He's also indecisive, pathetically honest, a horrible liar, and too virtuous for words. He gets up twice each night to relieve himself, wads his clothes rather than folds them, chews with his mouth open, and talks with his mouth full. He has a nasty habit of cracking his knuckles every morning at breakfast, and, of course, he snores. To remedy that, just put a rock under his blanket.”
Michael J. Sullivan, Heir of Novron

Christopher Moore
“All men are evil, that’s what I was talking to my father about.
What did he say?
Fuck ‘em.
Really?
Yeah.
At least he answered you.
I got the feeling that he thinks it’s my problem now.
Makes you wonder why he didn’t burn that on one of the tablets. ‘HERE, MOSES, HERE’S THE TEN COMMANDMENTS, AND HERE’S AN EXTRA ONE THAT SAYS FUCK ‘EM.’
He doesn’t sound like that.”
Christopher Moore, Lamb: The Gospel According to Biff, Christ’s Childhood Pal

Robin Hobb
“Never do what you can’t undo until you’ve considered well what you can’t do once you’ve done it.”
Robin Hobb, Assassin's Fate

Michael J. Sullivan
“How's your foot?” Hadrian asked.
“It hurts.”
“He had a good hold.”
“Bit right through my boot.”
“Yeah, that looked painful.”
“So why exactly didn't you help?”
Hadrian shrugged. “It was a dog, Royce. A cute, little dog. What did you want me to do, kill
an innocent little animal?”
Royce tilted his head, squinting into the light of the late evening sun to focus on his friend.
“Is that a joke?”
“It was a puppy.”
“It was not a puppy, and it was eating my foot.”
“Yeah, but you were invading his home.”
....
“You know, you didn't have to throw it out the window,” Hadrian said as they walked.
Royce, who was still preoccupied with his foot, looked up. “What did you want me to do
with it? Scratch behind the little monster’s ears as it gnawed my toes off? What if it started barking?
That would have been a fine mess.”
“It's a good thing there was a moat right under the window.”
Royce stopped. “There was?”
Michael J. Sullivan, The Viscount and the Witch
tags: humor

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