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“The government is a giant corporation with no competition that is constantly trying to keep you off balance so it can siphon more money from you.”
― Adam Carolla, In Fifty Years We'll All Be Chicks . . . And Other Complaints from an Angry Middle-Aged White Guy

“The only good thing about age is that sooner or later all of the SOBs who dumped you are going to die.”
― Joan Rivers, I Hate Everyone... Starting with Me

“Here’s one way to tell if you’re driving how I want you to—nay, how America needs you to. Whenever I drive my dad around, I see him mashing his feet into the floor mat. The old man is using imaginary brakes because I’m driving so hard. When your passenger is trying to stop the vehicle with his feet like Fred Flintstone, this is the ultimate tip of the cap.”
― Adam Carolla, President Me: The America That's in My Head

“I hate everyone who wants a free ride.”
― Matthew DiBenedetti, I Hate Everyone