Heather

“I’m tired of dealing with crazies. When did it become my job to manage your mental illness?”
― Joan Rivers, Diary of a Mad Diva

“Jesus Fart-Gargling Christ, what the fuck is wrong with you? Somehow you’ve made me miss those bygone, halcyon days when you merely endorsed pedophiles.”
― Aldous J. Pennyfarthing, Dear Pr*sident A**clown: 101 More Rude Letters to Donald Trump

“The government is a giant corporation with no competition that is constantly trying to keep you off balance so it can siphon more money from you.”
― Adam Carolla, In Fifty Years We'll All Be Chicks . . . And Other Complaints from an Angry Middle-Aged White Guy

“Here’s one way to tell if you’re driving how I want you to—nay, how America needs you to. Whenever I drive my dad around, I see him mashing his feet into the floor mat. The old man is using imaginary brakes because I’m driving so hard. When your passenger is trying to stop the vehicle with his feet like Fred Flintstone, this is the ultimate tip of the cap.”
― Adam Carolla, President Me: The America That's in My Head