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Phyllis Diller
“Never go to bed mad. Stay up and fight.”
Phyllis Diller

Rodney Dangerfield
“I came from a real tough neighborhood. Once a guy pulled a knife on me. I knew he wasn't a professional, the knife had butter on it.”
Rodney Dangerfield

Chris Rock
“You know the world is going crazy when the best rapper is a white guy, the best golfer is a black guy, the tallest guy in the NBA is Chinese, the Swiss hold the America's Cup, France is accusing the U.S. of arrogance, Germany doesn't want to go to war, and the three most powerful men in America are named "Bush", "Dick", and "Colin." Need I say more?”
Chris Rock

Marilyn Monroe
“It's not true that I had nothing on. I had the radio on.”
Marilyn Monroe

“If you were half as funny as you think you are, you'd be twice as funny as you really are.”
H.N. Turteltaub, The Sacred Land

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