Nikthya

“I'm scared I'll never feel this again with anyone else," I whisper.
He squeezes my hands. "I'm scared you will.”
― Colleen Hoover, Confess

“In the rearview mirror, he caught Blue’s eyes by accident. Strangely enough, he saw his own thoughts reflected in her face: excitement and consternation. Casually, out of view of Ronan, making sure Adam was still sleeping, Gansey dangled his hand between the driver’s seat and the door. Palm up, fingers stretched back to Blue.

This was not allowed.

He knew it was not allowed, by rules he himself had set. He would not permit himself to play favorites between Adam and Ronan; he and Blue couldn’t play favorites in this way, either. She would not see the gesture, anyway. She would ignore it if she did. His heart hummed.

Blue touched his fingertips.

Just this —

He pinched her fingers lightly, just for a moment, and then he withdrew his hand and put it back on the wheel. His chest felt warm.

This was not allowed.

Ronan had not seen; Adam was still sleeping. The only casualty was his pulse.

“Your exit, dick!” Ronan snapped. Or Dick. It could have been either, really.

Gansey steered in a hurry. Adam blinked awake. Ronan swore. Gansey’s heart restarted.

Eyes on the road, Gansey.”
― Maggie Stiefvater, Blue Lily, Lily Blue

“I loved that the complexities of my emotions were understood by authors writing hundreds of years ago, I loved looking at their texts and trying to understand what they were aiming to do, to pull my own meaning from them, to point out what others didn’t see or notice—the repetition of blue imagery, the recapitulation of motifs of separation. I was good at that.”
― Julia May Jonas, Vladimir

“I didn’t want to be in the world, around all those people who didn’t read books, who didn’t think they were important.”
― Julia May Jonas, Vladimir