Alicia Eltman

“Did you know that wasn’t me, the other Max?” I asked.
“Yeah.”
“When?”
“Right away.”
“How?” I persisted. “We look identical. She even had identical scars and scratches. She was wearing my clothes. How could you tell us apart?”
He turned to me and grinned, making my world brighter. “She offered to cook breakfast.”
― James Patterson, School's Out—Forever

“You see, cuckoos are parasites. They lay their eggs in other birds' nests. When the egg hatches, the baby cuckoo pushes the other baby birds out of the nest. The poor parent birds work themselves to death trying to find enough food to feed the enormous cuckoo child who has murdered their babies and taken their places."
"Enormous?" said Jace. "Did you just call me fat?"
"It was an analogy."
"I am not fat.”
― Cassandra Clare, City of Ashes

“I don't want to be a man," said Jace. "I want to be an angst-ridden teenager who can't confront his own inner demons and takes it out verbally on other people instead."
"Well," said Luke, "you're doing a fantastic job.”
― Cassandra Clare, City of Ashes

“If you were half as funny as you think you are, you'd be twice as funny as you really are.”
― H.N. Turteltaub, The Sacred Land