Robert Granat

“Miscommunication occurs when people are having different kinds of conversations. If you are speaking emotionally, while I’m talking practically, we are, in essence, using different cognitive languages. (This explains why, when you complain about your boss—“Jim is driving me crazy!”—and your spouse responds with a practical suggestion—“What if you just invited him to lunch?”—it’s more apt to create conflict than connection: “I’m not asking you to solve this! I just want some empathy.”)”
― Charles Duhigg, Supercommunicators: How to Unlock the Secret Language of Connection

“Effective communication requires recognizing what kind of conversation is occurring, and then matching each other. On a very basic level, if someone seems emotional, allow yourself to become emotional as well. If someone is intent on decision making, match that focus. If they are preoccupied by social implications, reflect their fixation back to them.”
― Charles Duhigg, Supercommunicators: How to Unlock the Secret Language of Connection

“So, to become a supercommunicator, all we need to do is listen closely to what’s said and unsaid, ask the right questions, recognize and match others’ moods, and make our own feelings easy for others to perceive. Simple, right? Well, no, of course not.”
― Charles Duhigg, Supercommunicators: How to Unlock the Secret Language of Connection

“The single biggest problem with communication,” said the playwright George Bernard Shaw, “is the illusion it has taken place.”
― Charles Duhigg, Supercommunicators: How to Unlock the Secret Language of Connection