Anna

“Damn it all, you have been given a life on this beautiful planet! Get off your ass and do something!”
― Nick Offerman, Paddle Your Own Canoe: One Man's Fundamentals for Delicious Living

“I find it consistently difficult to get around the notion that we are all, in our very natures, assholes. I am an asshole. I’m afraid you are also. That’s why the conversation about good manners even exists in the first place. We’re cognizant, curious beings, capable of philosophical thought, nuclear physics, repeating Nerf weapons, global consciousness, Glade air fresheners, and sentient automobiles. But we’re assholes first.”
― Nick Offerman, Paddle Your Own Canoe: One Man's Principles for Delicious Living

“A moustache is a socialized way to say, "Okay, look, I'll let you see most of my face, since that's what we're all doing right now, but if you would kindly direct you gaze to this thornbush above my mouth, you will be reminded that I am a fucking animal, an I'm ready to reproduce, or rip your throat out if called upon, because I come from nature.”
― Nick Offerman, Paddle Your Own Canoe: One Man's Fundamentals for Delicious Living

“I eat a bunch of spinach, but only to clean out my pipes to make room for more ribs, fool! I will submit to fruit and zucchini, yes, with gusto, so that my steak-eating machine will continue to masticate delicious charred flesh at an optimal running speed. By consuming kale, I am buying myself bonus years of life, during which I can eat a shit-ton more delicious meat. You don’t put oil in your truck because it tastes good. You do it so your truck can continue burning sweet gasoline and hauling a manly payload.”
― Nick Offerman, Paddle Your Own Canoe: One Man's Principles for Delicious Living