Heidi

“You! You tricked me! I never want to see you or that bottle of liquid arsenic again!”

I chucked the empty moonshine jug at him. Or tried to. It missed him by a dozen feet.

He picked it up in astonishment. “You drank the whole bloody thing? You were only supposed to have a few sips!”

“Did you say that? Did you?” He reached me just as I felt the ground tip. “Didn’t say anything. I’ve got those names, so that’s all that matters, but you men…you’re all alike. Alive, dead, undead—all perverts! I had a drunken pervert in my pants! Do you know how unsanitary that is?”

Bones held me upright. I would have protested, but I couldn’t remember how to. “What are you saying?”

“Winston poltergeisted my panties, that’s what!” I announced with a loud hiccup.

“Why, you scurvy, lecherous spook!” Bones yelled in the direction of the cemetery. “If my pipes still worked, I’d go right back there and piss on your grave!”
― Jeaniene Frost, Halfway to the Grave