Michael

“An unhappy alternative is before you, Elizabeth. From this day you must be a stranger to one of your parents. Your mother will never see you again if you do not marry Mr. Collins, and I will never see you again if you do.”
― Jane Austen, Pride and Prejudice

“I hated when my dad gendered the stupid truck. To retaliate, I called my boobs Brock and Chad, which my dad hated with equal fervor.”
― Maurene Goo, The Way You Make Me Feel

“GIVE ME TIME TO CONSIDER, O IMPATIENT LESTER.
"But I don't have time! We're leaving for Tarquin's tomb like,"—I glanced to the west, where the sun was beginning to sink behind the hills—"basically now!"
THE JOURNEY INTO THE TOMB WILL NOT BE THY FINAL CHALLENGE. UNLESS THOU SUCKETH MOST WOEFULLY.
"Is that supposed to make me feel better?"
FIGHT NOT THE KING, said the arrow. HEAREST THOU WHAT THOU NEEDEST, AND SKEDADDLETH.
"Did you just use the term skedaddleth?"
I TRY TO SPEAK PLAINLY TO THEE, TO GRANT THEE A BOON, AND STILL THOU COMPLAINEST.”
― Rick Riordan, The Tyrant’s Tomb

“Your mother always liked to tell people she was from Washington D.C., but technically she is a Marylander.”
― Ellen Oh, Spirit Hunters