Katy

“Jeff: I understand you guys had a good day today?
Peanut: Yes we had a great day!
Jose: No we did not.
Peanut: Yes
Jose: No
Peanut: Yes
Jose: No
Peanut: Yes
Jose: No we did not have a good day.
Peanut: Yes we hhhaad...a great frickin' day!
What?
Jeff: Did you have a good day?
Peanut: Yes
Jose: No
Peanut: Shut up
Jeff: A good day?
Peanut: Yes
Jose: No
Peanut: Shut up
Jeff: You're supposed to have taken him to the spa.
Peanut: I took him to the spa!
Jose: He put me in the vegetable steamer.
Peanut: It's the same thing!!!”
― Jeff Dunham

“Jeff: You know, you don't have to do this.
Walter: Yeah, I could get a real job.
Jeff: What would you do?
Walter: I wanna be a greeter at Wal-Mart.
Walter: What the hell's so funny?
Jeff: At Wal-Mart, what would be your opening line?
Walter: Oh.
Walter: Welcome to Wal-Mart. Get your shit and get out!
Walter: Have a nice day!”
― Jeff Dunham

“Jeff: The drive from the valley?
Peanut: Was bad as hell!
Jeff: Traffic?
Peanut: Sucked like hell!
Jeff: Drivers?
Peanut: Angry as hell!
Jeff: And you?
Peanut: Were scared as hell!
Jeff: Parking?
Peanut: Sucked more like hell!
Jeff: So?
Peanut: We're in hell! ”
― Jeff Dunham

“Peanut: Just last week I was lying in bed and I woke up sobbing 'I will never be happy until we return to SA-NA-TA-ANA!' And now we're here! Thank you for bringing me! ”
― Jeff Dunham