Emily

“He looked as though his life had not only passed him by but paused along the way to spit in his face.”
― David Sedaris

“High school taught me a valuable lesson about glasses: Don't wear them. Contacts have always seemed like too much work, so instead I just squint, figuring that if something is more than ten feet away, I'll just deal with it when I get there.”
― David Sedaris, When You Are Engulfed in Flames

“I'm the most important person in the lives of almost everyone I know and a good number of the people I've never even met.”
― David Sedaris

“Everyone looks retarded once you set your mind to it.”
― David Sedaris