Cyndee Thomas

“Yeah, I'm over forty, flighty, and fluffy- I'd say I'm not ideal bouncer material.”
― Jen Lancaster

“Owning a dog is slightly less expensive than being addicted to crack.”
― Jen Lancaster, Bitter Is the New Black: Confessions of a Condescending, Egomaniacal, Self-Centered Smartass, Or, Why You Should Never Carry A Prada Bag to the Unemployment Office

“In other words? The bitch had it coming.
And I am that bitch.”
― Jen Lancaster, Bitter Is the New Black: Confessions of a Condescending, Egomaniacal, Self-Centered Smartass, Or, Why You Should Never Carry A Prada Bag to the Unemployment Office

“I’m busy sorting through our new collection of rhinestone jewelry. Should anyone be in the market for sparkly accessories the size of a hubcap, this is the place to get them. Earlier today, a customer picked up one of the enormous chandelier-style offerings and asked, 'Do those be genuine rhimestones?'

I couldn’t even begin to explain everything that was wrong with her sentence, so I simply replied, 'Yes. They do be genuine.”
― Jen Lancaster, Pretty in Plaid