Nameless Monster

“For the first time in my life I realized what a horrible, miserable, salvationless hell it is to be without money.”
― Osamu Dazai, The Setting Sun

“Oh, life is too painful, the reality that confirms the universal belief that it is best not to be born.”
― Osamu Dazai, The Setting Sun

“Mornings are grey. Always the same. Absolutely empty.”
― Osamu Dazai, Schoolgirl

“Yawn...

I believe that I love sleep
much more than anybody I’ve ever
met.
I have the ability to sleep for
2 or 3 days and
nights.
I will go to bed at any given
moment.
I often confused my girlfriends
this way—
say it would be about onethirty
in the afternoon:
“well, I’m going to bed now, I’m
going to sleep…”
most of them wouldn’t mind, they
would go to bed with me
thinking I was hinting for
sex
but I would just turn my back
and snore off.
this, of course, could explain
why so many of my girlfriends
left me.
as for doctors, they were never
any help:

“listen, I have this desire to
go to bed and sleep, almost all
the time.
what is wrong with
me?”
“do you get enough exercise?”
“yes…”
“are you getting enough
nourishment?”
“yes…”
they always handed me a
prescription
which I threw away
between the office and the
parking lot.
it’s a curious malady
because I can’t sleep between
6 p.m. and midnight.
it must occur after
midnight
and when I arise
it can never be
before noon.
and should the phone ring
say at 10:30 a.m.
I go into a mad rage
don’t even ask who the caller
is
scream into the
phone: “WHAT ARE YOU

CALLING ME FOR AT THIS
HOUR!”
hang
up…
every person, I suppose, has
their eccentricities
but in an effort to be
normal
in the world’s
eye
they overcome them
and therefore
destroy their
special calling.
I’ve kept mine
and do believe that
they have lent generously to
my existence.
I think it’s the main reason I
decided to become a
writer: I can type
anytime and
sleep
when I damn well
please.”
― Charles Bukowski