Tiffany

“For a lot of my students and clients the biggest spiritual belief they have that they have a hard time letting go of is that they are bad. It’s a kind of learned spiritual helplessness and they’ve learned to outsource their spiritual or moral discernment to a spiritual authority...

… Then some people say, hold on this is weird. There is this nudging process of spiritual exploration where they eventually realize “that was silly, I’m not spiritually evil, my intuitions for flourishing are good.” Then they come to this new level of satisfaction. But a lot of times their spiritual and religious communities can’t hold that kind of growth. That is a disorientation of its own. They end up becoming spiritually exiled. They have to find new communities.”
― Hillary L. McBride, Holy Hurt: Understanding Spiritual Trauma and the Process of Healing

“When we feel awful the only explanation in the minds of many for why we FEEL awful is that we ARE awful. The echo of the anthem from many faith communities ringing in our ears. If we had tried harder, had more faith, prayed more or said the prayer correctly we wouldn’t feel this way.

Our anxiety, shame or self hatred is used as proof that we need saving, that we are bad, that we can’t trust ourselves. Not understanding what is happening to us which can lead to self blame is part of how the problems in these systems continue. Thus understanding itself can be part of healing.”
― Hillary L. McBride, Holy Hurt: Understanding Spiritual Trauma and the Process of Healing

“Whether or not it manifests in clinically acute ways, and no matter the cause, the belief that a person is bad, untrustworthy and broken at their core is one of the most destructive things a person can be told or can come to believe.

In many faith communities and belief systems this idea of being unworthy is so reinforced that it does not register as foundation-ally destructive or a feature of physiological abuse.

Telling people they are broken at their core is a sure way to create people that FEEL they are broken at their core. Feeling bad, wrong or fractured at the core of who we are is a defining feature of spiritual trauma.”
― Hillary L. McBride, Holy Hurt: Understanding Spiritual Trauma and the Process of Healing

“When are an adult if we have had a secure and safe upbringing and healthy relationships, someone telling us that we are bad might sting or cause confusion or it might strike us as outright ridiculous.

But if someone tells a child the same thing as their world is developing and they lack any other frame of reference, the words shape their development from that point on.”
― Hillary L. McBride, Holy Hurt: Understanding Spiritual Trauma and the Process of Healing