Tiffany

“Whether or not it manifests in clinically acute ways, and no matter the cause, the belief that a person is bad, untrustworthy and broken at their core is one of the most destructive things a person can be told or can come to believe.

In many faith communities and belief systems this idea of being unworthy is so reinforced that it does not register as foundation-ally destructive or a feature of physiological abuse.

Telling people they are broken at their core is a sure way to create people that FEEL they are broken at their core. Feeling bad, wrong or fractured at the core of who we are is a defining feature of spiritual trauma.”
― Hillary L. McBride, Holy Hurt: Understanding Spiritual Trauma and the Process of Healing

“When we feel awful the only explanation in the minds of many for why we FEEL awful is that we ARE awful. The echo of the anthem from many faith communities ringing in our ears. If we had tried harder, had more faith, prayed more or said the prayer correctly we wouldn’t feel this way.

Our anxiety, shame or self hatred is used as proof that we need saving, that we are bad, that we can’t trust ourselves. Not understanding what is happening to us which can lead to self blame is part of how the problems in these systems continue. Thus understanding itself can be part of healing.”
― Hillary L. McBride, Holy Hurt: Understanding Spiritual Trauma and the Process of Healing

“In spiritual environments of high control a person is often told they are bad to their core. An evil lives inside them and they are powerless to stop it from taking over and ruining their life and causing eternal suffering UNLESS they are rescued by someone outside themselves. A system, a doctrine, a right way of believing.

All three roles are represented, the victim, the persecutor and the rescuer. When we are in these spiritually abusive contexts there is still a triangle created, but people are told both the victim and the persecutor lives within them. That leaves a person trapped. At war inside themselves. The only way out of the conflict, to quell the storm inside, is to have someone to swoop in to rescue them.”
― Hillary L. McBride, Holy Hurt: Understanding Spiritual Trauma and the Process of Healing

“I don’t want to diminish the suffering involved in believing you are both evil at your core and powerless to do anything about it. It creates a distress and inner conflict that can torment a person their entire life…

…It doesn’t help that the system or person who promises to help in this toxic dynamic is usually also reinforcing the idea of the continual badness of people.

Said another way, this is like a doctor providing a medicine that both causes and treats a wound at the same time. The cure is also the cause of the harm.”
― Hillary L. McBride, Holy Hurt: Understanding Spiritual Trauma and the Process of Healing