Tiffany

“When we feel awful the only explanation in the minds of many for why we FEEL awful is that we ARE awful. The echo of the anthem from many faith communities ringing in our ears. If we had tried harder, had more faith, prayed more or said the prayer correctly we wouldn’t feel this way.

Our anxiety, shame or self hatred is used as proof that we need saving, that we are bad, that we can’t trust ourselves. Not understanding what is happening to us which can lead to self blame is part of how the problems in these systems continue. Thus understanding itself can be part of healing.”
― Hillary L. McBride, Holy Hurt: Understanding Spiritual Trauma and the Process of Healing

“In spiritual environments of high control a person is often told they are bad to their core. An evil lives inside them and they are powerless to stop it from taking over and ruining their life and causing eternal suffering UNLESS they are rescued by someone outside themselves. A system, a doctrine, a right way of believing.

All three roles are represented, the victim, the persecutor and the rescuer. When we are in these spiritually abusive contexts there is still a triangle created, but people are told both the victim and the persecutor lives within them. That leaves a person trapped. At war inside themselves. The only way out of the conflict, to quell the storm inside, is to have someone to swoop in to rescue them.”
― Hillary L. McBride, Holy Hurt: Understanding Spiritual Trauma and the Process of Healing

“We teach people to hate their humanness and praise them, calling it righteous because we believe got hates their humanness too. We offer people chronic guilt, shame and fear of hell and celebrate them as signs of spiritual maturity.

We stoke in people an inner critic and tell them it’s the voice of god.”
― Hillary L. McBride, Holy Hurt: Understanding Spiritual Trauma and the Process of Healing

“We go along to get along, but the cost is agency, the sense of a robust intact self with opinions, intuitions and autonomy.

People may be told that the self is undesirable and to be spiritually mature and thus respected in the community, and safe for eternity, they must die to self. Distancing themself from any thought, behavior or person that might draw them away from adherence to the way of being expected of them.”
― Hillary L. McBride, Holy Hurt: Understanding Spiritual Trauma and the Process of Healing