Marcus

“Pears can just fuck off too. 'Cause they're gorgeous little beasts, but they're ripe for half an hour, and you're never there. They're like a rock or they're mush. In the supermarket, people banging in nails. "I'll just put these shelves up, mate, then you can have the pear." … So you think, "I'll take them home and they'll ripen up." But you put them in the bowl at home, and they sit there, going, "No! No! Don't ripen yet, don't ripen yet. Wait til he goes out the room! Ripen! Now now now!”
― Eddie Izzard, Definite Article

“Discretion,” said Fen with great complacency, “is my middle name.”
“I dare say. But very few people use their middle names.”
― Edmund Crispin, Beware of the Trains

“All novels are fantasies. Some are more honest about it.”
― Gene Wolfe

“Nice bird, asshole!”
― Scott Lynch, The Lies of Locke Lamora