Aaron G

“ Dear Aunt Patty,

Thank you for coming to be part of what definitely ranks in the top five worst days of my life. While your generosity is appreciated, I am returning this gift, as forced bachelorhood necessitates total abstinence from bamboo placemats and matching napkin rings in my daily life.

Sincerely,
Emory

Too much?”
― Cary Attwell, The Other Guy

“Oh, fuck it. My feet never could be laced into goody two-shoes.”
― Rafe Haze, The Next

“Not a word. Being a hypocrite is the only way people who were once teenagers can be parents without going out of their damn minds.”
― DiscontentedWinter, Balloon Animals Are Awesome

“I see a dude who looks like a meth addict across the street; I'm going to assume that's what this fiancée thief looked like, right? I mean, obviously, the only reason she would have left you for anyone else is if she suddenly lost her mind and got struck blind on top of it. Pretty action-packed, your wedding day."
I looked at him askance. "I don't think that's quite her version of events."
"Yeah, well," said Nate, "she's not here, so I'm just going to have to go with my version."
"I could buy into that," I said, after a moment's consideration.
"Excellent," he said, grinning. "Then you're going to love next week's installment in which he develops spontaneous alopecia.”
― Cary Attwell, The Other Guy