Aaron G

“I see a dude who looks like a meth addict across the street; I'm going to assume that's what this fiancée thief looked like, right? I mean, obviously, the only reason she would have left you for anyone else is if she suddenly lost her mind and got struck blind on top of it. Pretty action-packed, your wedding day."
I looked at him askance. "I don't think that's quite her version of events."
"Yeah, well," said Nate, "she's not here, so I'm just going to have to go with my version."
"I could buy into that," I said, after a moment's consideration.
"Excellent," he said, grinning. "Then you're going to love next week's installment in which he develops spontaneous alopecia.”
― Cary Attwell, The Other Guy

“Not a word. Being a hypocrite is the only way people who were once teenagers can be parents without going out of their damn minds.”
― DiscontentedWinter, Balloon Animals Are Awesome

“Being a Humanist means trying to behave decently without expectation of rewards or punishment after you are dead.”
― Kurt Vonnegut

“It is never too late to be what you might have been.”
― George Eliot