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Rodney Dangerfield
“I came from a real tough neighborhood. Once a guy pulled a knife on me. I knew he wasn't a professional, the knife had butter on it.”
― Rodney Dangerfield

George Burns
“Too bad that all the people who know how to run the country are busy driving taxicabs and cutting hair.”
― George Burns

Albert Einstein
“Two things are infinite: the universe and human stupidity; and I'm not sure about the universe.”
― Albert Einstein

Oscar Wilde
“Be yourself; everyone else is already taken.”
― Oscar Wilde

Marilyn Monroe
“It's not true that I had nothing on. I had the radio on.”
― Marilyn Monroe

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