“If you're looking for sympathy you'll find it between shit and syphilis in the dictionary.”
― Barrel Fever: Stories and Essays
― Barrel Fever: Stories and Essays
“I haven't the slightest idea how to change people, but still I keep a long list of prospective candidates just in case I should ever figure it out.”
― Naked
― Naked
“I'm the most important person in the lives of almost everyone I know and a good number of the people I've never even met.”
―
―
“All of us take pride and pleasure in the fact that we are unique, but I'm afraid that when all is said and done the police are right: it all comes down to fingerprints.”
― Holidays on Ice
― Holidays on Ice
“On Undecided Voters: "To put them in perspective, I think of being on an airplane. The flight attendant comes down the aisle with her food cart and, eventually, parks it beside my seat. “Can I interest you in the chicken?” she asks. “Or would you prefer the platter of shit with bits of broken glass in it?”
To be undecided in this election is to pause for a moment and then ask how the chicken is cooked.”
―
To be undecided in this election is to pause for a moment and then ask how the chicken is cooked.”
―
Judi’s 2025 Year in Books
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