Aaron Brown

“The last ever dolphin message was misinterpreted as a surprisingly sophisticated attempt to do a double-backwards-somersault through a hoop whilst whistling the 'Star Spangled Banner', but in fact the message was this: So long and thanks for all the fish.”
― Douglas Adams, The Hitchhiker's Guide to the Galaxy

“It’s like someone who prays every night saying God’s a good listener. Just because you’re talking to us doesn’t mean we’re listening. With me and God, you never really know.”
― Paul Neilan, Apathy and Other Small Victories

“at first I thought you were just using me" she said
"I definitely am." I just wasn't sure for what.
"Asshole!" she said, and punched me in the side. And she laughed as my kidney began to hemorrhage.

That's the beauty of honesty. Everyones so unused to hearing it they just assume you're kidding, and you get to feel very good and forthcoming without suffering any consequences except for traces of blood in your urine for the next day or two.”
― Paul Neilan, Apathy and Other Small Victories

“If stealing a few saltshakers was wrong I didn't want to be right.”
― Paul Neilan, Apathy and Other Small Victories