Kristy

“I don't appreciate people who celebrate their dog's birthdays with "dog parties," and then invite their friends who don't even have dogs. I understand why people like dogs, and I think they definitely bring more to the table than cats or those godforsaken ferrets, but I don't think it's healthy for people to treat their dogs like they are real people.”
― Chelsea Handler, Are You There, Vodka? It's Me, Chelsea

“It's been my experience that people who make proclamations about themselves are usually the opposite of what they claim to be.”
― Chelsea Handler, Are You There, Vodka? It's Me, Chelsea

“There's a reason you never see anyone's house with a Beware of Cat sign. Because they're not even worth mentioning.”
― Chelsea Handler, Chelsea Chelsea Bang Bang

“Austin and I proceeded to knock back a couple of Ketel One and grapefruit juices, which happened to be my drink of the moment. Someone told me that grapefruit was a great detoxifier and I decided I wanted to start cleaning out my liver WHILE I was having a cocktail.”
― Chelsea Handler, Are You There, Vodka? It's Me, Chelsea