Ben Kohns

“Ever so gradually over time our understanding of ourselves gets shaped by what we do and what we’ve done. We cling, we grasp, we hold tightly to these identities. And then we find ourselves without them. Sometimes because we chose to leave them behind, other times they’re taken away without our consent. I felt so exposed. So vulnerable. I remember my friend Chris telling me that people were asking him, What happened to Rob? As in Where’d he go? as in Is he doing anything? I remember feeling this low-level dread when he told me that. Like a cold shudder. One harmless comment from a friend, and my imagination ran wild with endless ruminations on how to set the record straight and let those people know that I was still in the game. That’s the thing about liminal space: You’re really tender. Raw. Susceptible to those old forces and fears. I didn’t have regret, I was flirting with something far more powerful: fear. Fear that it appeared like I didn’t have any idea what I was doing. Fear that it looked like I couldn’t hack it, so I left. Fear that people thought I was somebody, and then I’d thrown it away. And here’s the killer one: Fear that I appeared to be done.”
― Rob Bell, Everything Is Spiritual: Finding Your Way in a Turbulent World