Maggie

“Children of narcissistic parents are programmed at an early age to seek validation where there is none, to believe their worthiness is tied to the reputation of their families, and to internalize the message that they can only sustain their value by how well they can ‘serve’ the needs of their parents. They have lived an existence where love was rarely ever unconditional, if given at all.”
― Shahida Arabi, Healing the Adult Children of Narcissists: Essays on The Invisible War Zone and Exercises for Recovery

“The accusations of being selfish, narcissistic, or self-centered cause adult children of narcissists to fear setting boundaries with others. Since narcissistic parents condition their children to associate any form of healthy boundary-setting with punishment and projection, their children grow up believing that standing up for themselves is an inherently selfish act.”
― Shahida Arabi, Healing the Adult Children of Narcissists: Essays on The Invisible War Zone and Exercises for Recovery

“Flying monkeys are recruited by narcissistic individuals to do their dirty work on their behalf. Narcissistic parents may enlist other relatives, siblings, or friends to act as flying monkeys to further exploit, gaslight, and abuse their children.”
― Shahida Arabi, Healing the Adult Children of Narcissists: Essays on The Invisible War Zone and Exercises for Recovery

“This is because the outcomes of life are not governed by passion; they are governed by principle. You may not think what you did this morning was important, but it was. You may not think that the little things add up, but they do. Consider the age-old brainteaser: Would you rather have $1 million in hand today or a penny that doubles in value every day for the next month? The $1 million right now sounds great, but after a 31-day month, that one penny would be worth over $10 million. Making big, sweeping changes is not difficult because we are flawed, incompetent beings. It’s difficult because we are not meant to live outside of our comfort zones. If you want to change your life, you need to make tiny, nearly undetectable decisions every hour of every day until those choices are habituated. Then you’ll just continue to do them. If you want to spend less time on your phone, deny yourself the chance to check it one time today. If you want to eat healthier, drink half a cup of water today. If you want to sleep more, go to bed 10 minutes earlier tonight than you did last night. If you want to exercise more, do it now for just 10 minutes. If you want to read, read one page. If you want to meditate, do so for 30 seconds. Then keep doing those things. Do them every single day. You’ll get used to not checking your phone. You’ll want more water, and you’ll drink more water. You’ll run for 10 minutes, and you won’t feel like you have to stop, so you won’t. You’ll read one page, grow interested, and read another. At our most instinctive, physiological level, “change” translates to something dangerous and potentially life-threatening. No wonder why we build our own cages and stay in them, even though there’s no lock on the door. Trying to shock yourself into a new life isn’t going to work, and that’s why it hasn’t yet.”
― Brianna Wiest, The Mountain Is You: Transforming Self-Sabotage Into Self-Mastery