Shaun Culwell

“With regard to “unimagined affection,” I confess that I am one of those people who, in a deep and secret place, can never imagine why anyone would actually like them. Respect maybe, or even appreciate, but not really care for. This psychology (or psychosis, or neurosis) is not about self-esteem or pride, for most people seem to possess sufficient reserves of those qualities, or some facsimile thereof, but it is more a sense of one’s ineptitude in the social graces, a perceived “disability” in what seemed to be the normal social routines of being charming, funny, entertaining, and forthcoming with another person. This existential discomfort causes more social awkwardness than the contrary self-image (as evinced by one friend of mine who, in that same deep and secret place, can’t imagine why anyone wouldn’t like him). And for those of us who feel deficient in such socially valued qualities, it can also be that the effort of opening ourselves up to another is so difficult we’re willing to at least attempt the operation in close relationships, but not for casual encounters. That part of me remained the same, it seemed, but I had learned that it could be worthwhile to try to give yourself to others. They had certainly given themselves to me. Even some who had never been that close to me before were moved, and I remembered one former employee of the band’s who I hadn’t seen for years showing up at the House of Mourning and tearfully rambling through a speech that basically expressed what many others must have felt, “I don’t know what to say, but here’s my heart.”
― Neil Peart, Ghost Rider: Travels on the Healing Road

“You are never dedicated to something you have complete confidence in. No one is fanatically shouting that the sun is going to rise tomorrow. They know it’s going to rise tomorrow. When people are fanatically dedicated to political or religious faiths or any other kinds of dogmas or goals, it’s always because these dogmas or goals are in doubt.”
― Robert M. Pirsig, Zen and the Art of Motorcycle Maintenance

“What must I do, then? " I asked thoughtfully. " You must learn to wait properly. " " And how does one learn that? " " By letting go of yourself, leaving yourself and everything yours behind you so decisively that nothing more is left of you but a purposeless tension. " " So I must become purposeless˙on purpose? " I heard myself say. " No pupil has ever asked me that, so I don’t know the right answer. " " And when do we begin these new exercises? " " Wait until it is time.”
― Eugen Herrigel, Zen in the Art of Archery

“It would have diverted if ever seen the shuddersome spectacle of this semidemented zany amid the inspissated grime of his glaucous den making believe to read his usylessly unreadable Blue Book of Eccles, édition de ténèbres, (even yet sighs the Most Different, Dr. Poindejenk, authorised bowdler and censor,”
― James Joyce, Finnegans Wake