Mary

“Ah,” he said. “That’ll be the little bit of crime that we’ll have to embark on.” “Crime,” Stephanie said with a smile. “Finally.”
― Derek Landy, Skulduggery Pleasant

“I felt betrayed, the way you do when you discover that your cat has a secret secondary life and is being fed by neighbors who call him something stupid like Calypso.”
― David Sedaris, Calypso

“Or possibly not, of course. The philosopher Didactylos has summed up an alternative hypothesis as “Things just happen. What the hell.”
― Terry Pratchett, Hogfather

“If I had a nickel for every time I hypocritically felt better about myself for not being one of those other hypocritical people who self-righteously brag about being better than other people who aren’t as enlightened as they are, I’d probably have enough money to actually fix some of the things that none of us are really doing anything meaningful about.”
― Jenny Lawson, Broken